2014 according to the Chinese horoscope is the year of the horse. I'm a horse so naturally I assumed this is my year. And yet...

Only two months in I'm beginning to believe otherwise. Love continues to elude me in new and surprising ways.

After date 97 dicked out on me (yep, I just verbed 'dick') for our third date, I dried my tears and my best friend and I hit the Brooklyn town with dinner and drinks. We ended up at a lovely out-of-the-way bar that was neither hipstery nor annoying so we stayed for hours. We struck up a conversation with four guys who looked age appropriate, had some laughs, had some shots, and stayed out until 4am.

One of the guys, Dan, took an interest in me. I wasn't that into him at first, until I noticed his wicked sense of humor and just like that I was hooked. He was beardy and Brooklyny in a red plaid flannel. I told him he looked like he should be chopping wood. Funny I should say that. I make furniture, he said. Yes, I was hooked.

He flirted, I flirted. We both flirted like no one else was around. We closed down the bar. I felt chemistry that wasn’t caused by the whiskey. We hugged awkwardly goodbye. I wanted more of him.

The next morning he texted. Yes! The next, next morning he said the only reason he didn’t ask me out was because he has a girlfriend. No!

Yes.

A week later, I flirted with someone new from work. He flirted back. Two weeks later he told me he was taking it to the next level with the girl he was seeing. She was going to be his girlfriend.

Ok universe, I'm tired. And also lonely. Not only because it’s cold outside but because I am completely ready to be with someone. For the long-term. I'm sad that I haven’t connected with anyone deeply in over four years. Logically I know there isn’t anything wrong with me, but sometimes feelings aren't logical.

After some reading I've discovered that a horse in a horse year should be careful because the balance of our yin and yang is off. We should take this time to reflect. So that is what I'm doing.

I've decided that I'm not sleeping with anyone who isn't my boyfriend. I'm going to wait for someone amazing who wants what I want. Who wants to call ME his girlfriend.