Nugget O' the Day: Summer Lovin' & Beyond

hi. you're lovely. i just re-signed up on OKC and you came up as a match for me. we DO have an awesome percentage (whatever that means). 

i'm seeking one woman to be my summer (and beyond) friend and lover. potentially interested? if so, let's get the ball rolling. I would be happy to email you or text you a recent photo. 

david 

p.s. no romantic cat photo

Dear David,

Not only do you not have a photo with a cat, you also don't have a photo of yourself (no, the Photobooth photo with your blurred face in 4 quadrants in 4 hyper-colors doesn't count).

Thank you. I think I'm lovely too! We're actually only a 79% match so a good match, but not awesome. I'd say 90% and above is awesome (whatever that means).

Since you mention it, I'm looking for one pool to be my best friend this summer because DAMN it's HOT. As for a friend and lover, yes that is my ideal combo for a boyfriend but I can't bring myself to respond to your email because your message and profile sound too much like an employer looking to fill a job opening. 

"Getting the ball rolling" is office hyperbole that I would never let crossover into my love life, because as much as I kid around on this blog about stats and numbers, I still believe that finding love is an intangible magical process that can't be broken down into cover letters, interviews, and to-do lists.

I appreciate your time and consideration. However I'm not the right fit for the role of "Your Summer & Beyond Friend and Lover".

Sincerely,

moi

I Can't Break Up With Match.com

Could he be the one? 

NO.

News Flash: A Boy Called Me

I love a man who plans...and calls

Yes, on the phone.  He took the time to tap the numbers on his phone and he used his voice to leave me a voice mail.

I had just finished pumping iron at the gym (you know, one of my favorite things about being single) when I got his message. I called him back immediately to stave off my phone nerves, which I now have because I don't remember how to talk to new boys on the phone due to "technological advancements." I was better at this at age 13.

We chatted for about 15 minutes, cracked some jokes - I laughed, he laughed - and made plans to meet up next week. Like normal humans did in the pre-texting era. He offered to come to my neighborhood, and he is going to pick the place. A man, a plan, I like it.

I'm not going to get crazy and say that we're going to get married because he picked up the phone...but if that behavior is any indication of the type of man he is, then I think we're going to get married.

At our wedding I will tell this story about how it all began...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My Match.com subscription ended on Thursday (thank you jesus!). Match brought us all much entertainment with this date, that date, and don't forget this one...but it was time to part ways.

As a girl who likes to get her money's worth I checked out my "favorites" list of guys to see if I should write to anyone before leaving.

One guy looked interesting so with nothing to lose I wrote:

hello sir. I have a mere two days left on match before I throw caution to the wind and hope to meet someone amazing the traditional way like in a grocery store produce aisle. I was perusing my favorites list and you are on it. so I figured I should get the most bang for my buck and say hello. I also love horror flicks. have you seen any good ones lately?

He wrote:

Indeed, I've been on your favorites for like a month, how come you didn't write me earlier? How are we supposed to get started on our hot, passionate romance? Maybe you favorited me by accident, got to give me a slight heads up, hahahaha.

What's your phone number? Let's talk/hang out in the real world, forget this Match.com stuff. Mine is _______.

I wrote back:

Couldn't agree more! if we are going to embark on a hot, passionate romance I'd like that to begin as soon as possible.

My # is _______. I'm definitely up for chatting in the real world. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I didn't think he'd follow through the same day!", I'll end the toast. (laughter from our wedding guests)

"He had me at his voice mail". (I gaze lovingly into my new hubby's eyes. Ooohs and Aaaahs from the guests.)

CHEERS!