Tinder Nugget O' the Day: A winky face doesn't make it Ok

I'm blue, he's white. I hope that is obvious.

There are about 8 million things wrong with this exchange, like he kept writing me after I stopped responding, and he lacked anything resembling a sense of humor, but perhaps the most perplexing part is his last text. What does that mean? Anal sex? Regular sex from behind? 

Can anyone clarify? Please leave a comment and don't forget the winky face.

Nugget O' the Day: Summer Lovin' & Beyond

hi. you're lovely. i just re-signed up on OKC and you came up as a match for me. we DO have an awesome percentage (whatever that means). 

i'm seeking one woman to be my summer (and beyond) friend and lover. potentially interested? if so, let's get the ball rolling. I would be happy to email you or text you a recent photo. 

david 

p.s. no romantic cat photo

Dear David,

Not only do you not have a photo with a cat, you also don't have a photo of yourself (no, the Photobooth photo with your blurred face in 4 quadrants in 4 hyper-colors doesn't count).

Thank you. I think I'm lovely too! We're actually only a 79% match so a good match, but not awesome. I'd say 90% and above is awesome (whatever that means).

Since you mention it, I'm looking for one pool to be my best friend this summer because DAMN it's HOT. As for a friend and lover, yes that is my ideal combo for a boyfriend but I can't bring myself to respond to your email because your message and profile sound too much like an employer looking to fill a job opening. 

"Getting the ball rolling" is office hyperbole that I would never let crossover into my love life, because as much as I kid around on this blog about stats and numbers, I still believe that finding love is an intangible magical process that can't be broken down into cover letters, interviews, and to-do lists.

I appreciate your time and consideration. However I'm not the right fit for the role of "Your Summer & Beyond Friend and Lover".

Sincerely,

moi