If I Could be Brutally Honest on Tinder
I would say...
I'm 35 going on 36. I can feel my body aging in ways that my parents warned me about but I didn't believe. If I drink more than 2 alcoholic beverages in one night I need to go to sleep immediately for fear of being hungover for more days than drinks I consumed.
I've lived in NYC for 12 years, which means several things, but mostly that I've had a lot of casual sex. Enough to know that I don't want it anymore. I don't want anything casual. I want something serious.
The kind of serious where we laugh together about dumb shit and annoy everyone around us. The kind of serious where I know exactly how you take your coffee, you know that I'm not a morning person, and we both know that the right kind of candy to smuggle into a movie includes Sour Patch Kids and Reese's Pieces.
The kind of serious where within 6 months of dating we move in together and adopt a small-to-medium sized dog that we name something seemingly mundane like Max or Bill, but really he's named after that crazy guy we met that time in Costa Rica whose truck we rode around in all night getting high and eating tacos and well...anyway, you remember.
The kind of serious we where support each other's successes and failures. The kind of serious that isn't so serious at all. It's love.
...But Tinder has a character limit so I guess I'll say:
"I don't have cats. Let's do this."
94. October 2013: Ok, I'm Definitely Ready Now
Two months ago I wasn't ready to share details about date 94. I was superstitious not wanting to curse something that might be real. After all this is not just a project it's my real life. Then two months went by and I learned that 94, though real, was not really for me.
I bought this hat in Sydney for 94. It's a small Aussie-based skate brand.
How did you meet? Tinder
Name: Richard
Height: 5' 7"
Age: 32
Occupation: former pro-skateboarder
Good quotes from date(s):
"There are 24 hrs in a day. You can probably have sex for one hour at the most. Find someone who you want to be around the other 23 hrs. Someone who makes you laugh." - Richard's dad
Why is he still single? He's a man-child
Did he pay for the date? we took turns
Did he contact you after the date? Yes, via phone and text
How many dates did you go on? 4
Would you recommend to a friend? ......no
Comments:
The first date went like this. I finished my cocktail, and he said "Do you want to walk across the Williamsburg bridge?" The night was unseasonably warm. I happened to have sneakers in my bag. Yes. Yes I do.
He carried his skateboard in the one hand, and held mine in the other. He was funny, spontaneous, and affectionate. I'd never walked over the bridge at night. It was beautiful and romantic and very New York. He pulled me aside at the highest point on the bridge and kissed me. It was passionate and I feared we might get naked on a bridge halfway between Manhattan and Brooklyn.
As the bridge sloped downward I decided it was a good idea to ride on his skateboard. I sat down in my dress, tights, and sneakers and put my life in his hands. I gained speed, had little control and loved every minute - of the wind in my hair and being pushed forward. I felt like a teenager.
We spent one week together before my two month work travels. We kept in touch with texts. His "I miss you"s and "Can't wait to see you"s made me excited to get back to NY. However in the end his words did not mean much.
Shortly after I returned we met for a very quick, awkward coffee. Everything seemed forced as he talked about how great it was to see me, how we should see comedy shows together, how he wanted to show me his new apartment. Yes, yes, I said. I'm back now.
The last time I heard from him was Christmas day. He called to say he was thinking about me, and asked when we could meet up again. Yes, yes, I said. But with less enthusiasm. Because when I asked him to pick a day, he could not. He didn't know his schedule, he claimed.
I know that game well. I know it all too well.
I don't know what happened while I was gone. I don't know why he kept in touch with me digitally and then pushed me away in person. I'm not going to ever know. After getting through a few days of disappointment where my girlfriends reminded me I'm amazing and he's a man-baby...
I feel better off for having met him. He inspired me to be more spontaneous, more creative, to get out of my head, and to lead more from my heart. I thank him for that. And as for the skater hat, it is mine now because he doesn't deserve it.