Disclaimer: I wrote this post in January after we'd had two good dates. Updates are in italics.

How did you meet? Tinder

Name: Craig

Height: 6'4"

Age: 35

Occupation: biz owner

Good quotes from date(s):

"I'm very picky"

"You have a big personality, a confidence about you. Not like most people."

Why is he still single? Um, he's very picky. He's a dick

Did he pay for the date? Yes

Did he contact you after the date? I said hello after the holidays. I reached out every time first.

How many dates did you go on? 2

Would you recommend to a friend? Probably, but I like him. He's a dick

Comments:

Just before Christmas and before New Years, New York City is a magical place where if you are one of the few souls who's stayed in town, you feel like it's your playground. My first date with Craig was a spontaneous day before Christmas eve meet up. We drank wine at the Brooklyn Winery, ate and laughed.

He was tall. I forgot that men could be that tall. My ex was that tall. I liked it. He also has stories, which reminded me why I enjoy dating people my age or older. We have some life behind us. As the wine flowed he loosened up a bit and stretched out his long legs and rested them on the leg of my chair. He smiled and asked me questions. When I found out he lived in Berlin for 10 years I wondered if it wasn't only Tinder that brought us together, but also fate.

I'd returned from Berlin only four days earlier and was still wallowing in my "I want to live in Europe but I don't" sadness. He speaks German and keeps an apartment there. THAT NO ONE IS USING. He joked that I could live there and rent out the other bedrooms to make the rent, and I said yes but I was not joking. We talked about where we want to travel and pinky-sweared that if we still know each other in the spring we'd book a trip to Iceland - a place on both of our lists.

Our second date was over more wine and Italian food. Just as good as the first, and more awkward on the goodbye. After 90-something dates there is no way for me to control the awkwardness of the maybe-he'll-kiss-me-maybe-he-won't-maybe-I-don't-want-it-what-if-I-do goodbye situation. He walked me down to the subway where he tried to kiss me, but I went in for the hug so that felt awkward. Then he said he wanted to see me again and I said sure, and we finally did kiss, and it was pretty good.

A third date is (NOT) in the works.

Date three was scheduled for last weekend. We'd both been busy, he'd been traveling and I didn't mind that I had to reach out to meet up again. It was my turn to plan the date and I did. I made reservations for a great comedy show and dinner at a tapas place. It felt like a real date because it was going to be on a Saturday night and we'd planned it more than a week ahead. I was excited. So was he according to a text he sent a few days before.

4pm on the day of the date after I'd sent him the details of where and when to meet...I get this text:

"I'm the biggest dick, but I need to cancel. I'm so sorry; I had someone quit at work and I need to work all weekend. So tired. I really need the night in ; ( "

My response: "Wow. That is a really dick move."

Yes, I cried a little.

One day I will meet a grown-up man who doesn't cancel dates twice (he had to reschedule our second date also). However if he does need to cancel, he will make a real live phone call so I can hear the sincerity in his voice when he tells me how sorry he is that he's being a dick. And then he will tell me when and how he will make it up to me.

Until that day....GOOD FUCKING BYE

Two months ago I wasn't ready to share details about date 94. I was superstitious not wanting to curse something that might be real. After all this is not just a project it's my real life. Then two months went by and I learned that 94, though real, was not really for me.

I bought this hat in Sydney for 94. It's a small Aussie-based skate brand.

How did you meet? Tinder

Name: Richard

Height: 5' 7"

Age: 32

Occupation: former pro-skateboarder

Good quotes from date(s):

"There are 24 hrs in a day. You can probably have sex for one hour at the most. Find someone who you want to be around the other 23 hrs. Someone who makes you laugh." - Richard's dad

Why is he still single? He's a man-child

Did he pay for the date? we took turns

Did he contact you after the date? Yes, via phone and text

How many dates did you go on? 4

Would you recommend to a friend? ......no

Comments:

The first date went like this. I finished my cocktail, and he said "Do you want to walk across the Williamsburg bridge?" The night was unseasonably warm. I happened to have sneakers in my bag. Yes. Yes I do.

He carried his skateboard in the one hand, and held mine in the other. He was funny, spontaneous, and affectionate. I'd never walked over the bridge at night. It was beautiful and romantic and very New York. He pulled me aside at the highest point on the bridge and kissed me. It was passionate and I feared we might get naked on a bridge halfway between Manhattan and Brooklyn.

As the bridge sloped downward I decided it was a good idea to ride on his skateboard. I sat down in my dress, tights, and sneakers and put my life in his hands. I gained speed, had little control and loved every minute - of the wind in my hair and being pushed forward. I felt like a teenager.

We spent one week together before my two month work travels. We kept in touch with texts. His "I miss you"s and "Can't wait to see you"s made me excited to get back to NY. However in the end his words did not mean much.

Shortly after I returned we met for a very quick, awkward coffee. Everything seemed forced as he talked about how great it was to see me, how we should see comedy shows together, how he wanted to show me his new apartment. Yes, yes, I said. I'm back now.

The last time I heard from him was Christmas day. He called to say he was thinking about me, and asked when we could meet up again. Yes, yes, I said. But with less enthusiasm. Because when I asked him to pick a day, he could not. He didn't know his schedule, he claimed.

I know that game well. I know it all too well.

I don't know what happened while I was gone. I don't know why he kept in touch with me digitally and then pushed me away in person. I'm not going to ever know. After getting through a few days of disappointment where my girlfriends reminded me I'm amazing and he's a man-baby...

I feel better off for having met him. He inspired me to be more spontaneous, more creative, to get out of my head, and to lead more from my heart. I thank him for that. And as for the skater hat, it is mine now because he doesn't deserve it.