97. Dec 2013-Feb 2014: Craig, Fate and a Whole Lot of Wine

Disclaimer: I wrote this post in January after we'd had two good dates. Updates are in italics. 

How did you meet? Tinder

Name: Craig

Height: 6'4"

Age: 35

Occupation: biz owner

Good quotes from date(s):

"I'm very picky"

"You have a big personality, a confidence about you. Not like most people."

Why is he still single? Um, he's very picky. He's a dick 

Did he pay for the date? Yes

Did he contact you after the date? I said hello after the holidays. I reached out every time first. 

How many dates did you go on? 2

Would you recommend to a friend? Probably, but I like him. He's a dick

Comments:

Just before Christmas and before New Years, New York City is a magical place where if you are one of the few souls who's stayed in town, you feel like it's your playground. My first date with Craig was a spontaneous day before Christmas eve meet up. We drank wine at the Brooklyn Winery, ate and laughed.

He was tall. I forgot that men could be that tall. My ex was that tall. I liked it. He also has stories, which reminded me why I enjoy dating people my age or older. We have some life behind us. As the wine flowed he loosened up a bit and stretched out his long legs and rested them on the leg of my chair. He smiled and asked me questions. When I found out he lived in Berlin for 10 years I wondered if it wasn't only Tinder that brought us together, but also fate.

I'd returned from Berlin only four days earlier and was still wallowing in my "I want to live in Europe but I don't" sadness. He speaks German and keeps an apartment there. THAT NO ONE IS USING. He joked that I could live there and rent out the other bedrooms to make the rent, and I said yes but I was not joking. We talked about where we want to travel and pinky-sweared that if we still know each other in the spring we'd book a trip to Iceland - a place on both of our lists.

Our second date was over more wine and Italian food. Just as good as the first, and more awkward on the goodbye. After 90-something dates there is no way for me to control the awkwardness of the maybe-he'll-kiss-me-maybe-he-won't-maybe-I-don't-want-it-what-if-I-do goodbye situation. He walked me down to the subway where he tried to kiss me, but I went in for the hug so that felt awkward. Then he said he wanted to see me again and I said sure, and we finally did kiss, and it was pretty good. 

A third date is (NOT) in the works.

Date three was scheduled for last weekend. We'd both been busy, he'd been traveling and I didn't mind that I had to reach out to meet up again. It was my turn to plan the date and I did. I made reservations for a great comedy show and dinner at a tapas place. It felt like a real date because it was going to be on a Saturday night and we'd planned it more than a week ahead. I was excited. So was he according to a text he sent a few days before. 

4pm on the day of the date after I'd sent him the details of where and when to meet...I get this text: 

"I'm the biggest dick, but I need to cancel. I'm so sorry; I had someone quit at work and I need to work all weekend. So tired. I really need the night in ; ( "

My response: "Wow. That is a really dick move."

Yes, I cried a little. 

One day I will meet a grown-up man who doesn't cancel dates twice (he had to reschedule our second date also). However if he does need to cancel, he will make a real live phone call so I can hear the sincerity in his voice when he tells me how sorry he is that he's being a dick. And then he will tell me when and how he will make it up to me. 

Until that day....GOOD FUCKING BYE

47.1 July 2011: Brian #3, The Makeout Factor

How did you meet? online

Name: Brian (our 1st date here)

Height: 5'8"

Age: 32

Occupation: law

Good quotes from date:  

"I'm going to get a bike just to spite you."

"After the kid barfed in the pool, it was time for me to leave."

"Who the heck is Casey Anthony?" (When I asked his legal opinion on the trial. You'd maybe have to be living under a rock to not have heard anything about her, her daughter, or her case.)

Comments:

So folks, I gave this one a chance. I really did. I adhered to the 4 Man Plan and said yes to a second date. He is incredibly nice, and compassionate, and sometimes funny. He still says "fuckin" in almost every sentence. But really, let's be honest. That wouldn't matter if we had a connection. If I wanted to make out with him. If we talked about deeper things than our local subway line and the public pool in which "that kid barfed".  

If, if...we had conversations like me and Jack. This is what i thought as he chattered away. Not even Jack the person, just the chemistry I felt with Jack - whether I made it up or not. I so wanted to want to make out with Brian. Because wouldn't that make all of this easier? 

He walked me to my stoop where I executed my tried and true strategy of "hug and run." Sensing he wanted more, I went far left to avoid he lips coming at me like torpedos. I thought I was in the clear until he asked, "Can I kiss you goodnight?" 

Ladies, what does one do in this situation? As my friend says, "If they have to ask you for it, they probably shouldn't do it." Although maybe if the make out factor existed, I'd instead be writing about how endearing it was that he asked. But, no. 

So what could I say? I said "Sure!", like I wanted it because - god help me - I needed to get it over with so I could run upstairs to safety. I allowed a quick peck before I pulled away and did just that. He said he'd be in touch, but I know that is the last time I will see him. Or with my luck, we'll be on treadmills next to each other at the neighborhood gym. 

I NEED THE MAKEOUT FACTOR. I NEED IT VERY SOON.

46.1 June 2011: Brian #2

Last week was the week of second dates -- second dates i was actually looking forward to -- a feat that I was beginning to think was as rare as Halley's comet and as elusive as the Chupacabra.

Second dates are confusing for me both because I can't wear my first date outfit again and I can't tell the same first date stories about myself. Also, I worry that i'm going to confuse one guy with another...especially if they're all named Brian...

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How did you meet? online

Name: Brian, the artist (our 1st date here)

Height: 5'11"

Age: 37

Occupation: artist

Good quotes from date:  "So tell me about your last boyfriend. Yeah, I went there." 

I debriefed him on the runaway 3-yr ex-boyfriend who just couldn't get his shit together to move up to NYC. His ex-girlfriend from this past winter was a "crazy, control-freak who tried to change him." Why do men always call their exes crazy? It's fascinating.

Did he pay for the date? yes, unlike Jack, my crush, he doesn't hesitate to buy me a drink. He takes the money out and orders. I like this forwardness.

Comments:

I played a little hard to get with guy only because I had way too many other dates scheduled last week. I waited until Friday (more than a week after our first date) to reach out and ask him to hang out again. Meanwhile if a guy i like does that to me i freak out. Yes, yes, hypocrisy.

We ended up meeting late that same night because I had a volunteer gig he was going away for two weeks the next day.  I'll admit i wanted to see again before two weeks to see if something was there.

We hit up a local bar, sat outside on the patio and had a drink. He is so easy to talk to...he is open and honest and interesting. He smiles a lot which i like. I'm still not sure we have that much in common, but our personalities are on the same wavelength. I always fall for the artist/musicians...ho hum. I'm sorry, they're just sexy.

He drove me home again in his car.  We began and ended our date with a hug. He said, "I'll call you when i get back into town." There is something about this guy that makes me believe he absolutely will.