Inquiring Minds Want to Know

If Gabe and I are dating exclusively. Guess what? I'd like to know too. 

Some minds also want to know what I've been up to this last month since I got sick of online dating and hid my profiles (*note: I did this before knowing Gabe was back in town). 

Well, folks, I've been enjoying myself on many fronts: Seeing friends I haven't seen for ages, saying goodbye to other friends who moved to Europe (take me with you!), and yes I've been seeing Gabe. Oh, and drinking copious amounts of liquor.

Gabe and I aren't really DATING so much as HANGING OUT. Now I know I'm old and he's young and the dating world has changed since I was 25, but I'm not sure what we're doing is dating. I say this because we spend more time "in" than "out".

Well, whatever. Here's what we have been doing in no particular order. You be the judge. Is this dating? Hanging out? Or something in between?  

• Cuddled on my couch watching a movie
• Sat on my couch eating a dinner I cooked and drank wine
• Sat on a blanket in the park eating sandwiches
• Met a million of my lady friends in that same park (one of whom called him "Gabe" to his face - not his real life name! - while I nearly peed in my pants. I mean it was funny but awkward fo' sho'.)
• Went to a birthday party at a bar with the above million ladies.
• Million ladies gave him the stamp of approval.
• Kissed and more.
• Napped in my bed and didn't do more.
• Text daily or every other day nonsensical shit.

No, I am not dating anyone else and therefore, by default, it would seem that I am dating Gabe exclusively. But this is only circumstantial. I'm not online and let's face it I rarely meet anyone offline that I really like. Except this guy who is moving to SF and - thank you Facebook for being so informative - has a girlfriend! Funny he didn't mention her once during our 2 hour talk/drink fest.

I have no desire to have a conversation with Gabe about "us" or what "this" is. Right now it's nice. And yet, I do see myself getting back online in the fall. Why? Because Gabe is wonderful in many ways but not all the ways that I need. This most likely is a combination of his age and his insane work schedule (4:30am call time yesterday!). 

I need someone more stable who asks me OUT on dates, who can afford the time to go out on these dates. I need someone who is going to challenge me and show me things that I haven't seen before (literally and figuratively). I seem to be that person for him right now. I guess I need/want things to move quicker.

I had to have a mini-talk with him last weekend about how I'm always the one asking to hang out and forcing him to pin down a day. I'm not a crazy planner, but I do have a large social circle and everyone in that circle plans days/weeks ahead. It's the curse of being old I guess. Also, if I'm the one doing the asking all the time how do I really know if he's into me? He assured me he is, but I need him to show it!

Wow - as I'm writing this I can feel and you can probably read how many different emotions I have about this person. I like him. I feel insecure. I feel unfulfilled sometimes. I feel so comfortable other times that I have to remind myself that we aren't boyfriend/girlfriend. I feel scared that he's too young, and I can't afford to fall hard again. I need to fall for someone who will catch me (and maybe want to have a baby in the next 3-4 years. Holy hell, did I just write that? I did.) I also feel that I need to stop over-analyzing this.

So no, we're not dating exclusively. He'd have to step up his game and he may not be fully capable of that. In the meantime I really enjoy our time together. Come fall...well, that's another story.  

39.2 July 2011: Gabe, I'm All Yours

"Give me a call tomorrow, I'm all yours." 

It was three months ago that I last saw Gabe, tousled his hair, laughed at his jokes, playfully poked him about his age. Will he be different? Will I be different? Will our chemistry still exist? Did it ever REALLY exist or was it a figment of my imagination; several bourbons; colder weather; my loneliness?

Naturally, I felt nervous.  But on Saturday night when I got his text saying:

"Give me a call tomorrow, I'm all yours."

that nervousness turned into excitement.

My lessons in chemistry over the past few months - with 1 Jack and 2 Brians -  have been more confusing than my honors chemistry class junior year in high school.

I feel it, he doesn't; he feels it, I don't; we both feel it then man-boy screws it up and I feel annoyed.

Clearly I don't know anything about chemistry, love or dating (see every post on this blog) but I do know a few things: Gabe's text messages every 2 weeks while he was away always made me laugh. Gabe's call on the fourth of July while he drove back east made me smile. Yes, he called - via phone. Gabe's kisses and penchant for cuddling were things that I missed.

On Sunday afternoon I called Gabe - yes, via phone. He picked me up at my place wearing a dark blue t-shirt, tattered cargo shorts and - surprise - no facial hair! The creepy mustache I had seen on Facebook was gone but thankfully his floppy, thick full head of hair remained. Note to self: cannot wait to run my fingers through it.

Other note to self: calm down, sister. We pushed through awkward silences from opposite sides of my couch while dancing around banal questions like "what have you been up to for the past three months?". I listened more than talked and remembered that this very couch was where we made out the night we met. Except this time was different. It was daylight and we were sober.

We swam in the infamous Red Hook pool known less for the swimming and more for the amazingly-authentic central American food vendors across the street. We ate papusas and drank limeade. We floated, and joked, and laughed and occasionally touched in four feet of water. We got to know each other again as friends, while at the same time feeling like we have always known each other.

The day ended at my place with thai food, bad reality TV, and legs intertwined on that same couch. My roommate came home and the three of us chatted like Gabe and I were an old-time couple just living our Sunday night routine.

I don't have many regrets in life but on this particular day I do regret not kissing him. I thought about making the first move but this is something I'm not good at (keep in mind - we were sober.) What I am good at is thinking, thinking, over-thinking. I was waiting for him but was he waiting for me? One thing I don't have to think about is this:

I am comfortable around him. 

I am myself. 

I would like myself to be around his self more often.

39.1 April 2011: Gabe

Oh, how I've missed this questionnaire!  My apologies for allowing the whole "I'm 28, no iIm 30, but really I'm 24" debacle fluster me so much that i didn't even fill one out for date #39. Please enjoy part deux...

How did you meet? offline, at a bar after my last almost online date went south

Name:  Gabe

Height: 6'1"

Age: 24 (the truth shall set you free!)

Occupation: lighting technician

Good quotes from date: We had a good conversation about him lying about his age where he explained that he thought it would be an issue because I'm older, and i explained that lying is the issue, not the number. 

Him: "I tried to be consistent. I'm a bad liar" (clearly)

Him: "I have a bit of a crush on you." (cute!)

Me: "Well, I hope so."

Why is he still single?  I could take the easy route here and say, "because he's 24", but i think it's partly his job. He has a crazy work schedule, nights, weekends, etc. There's a strong possibility he is one of those 'girlfriend' guys (something I've heard about before but thought was an urban legend like unicorns and leprechauns) based on his affinity for cuddling, and that has last relationship, and possibly his only one, outlasted my longest one at 4yrs.   

Did he pay for the date?  Yes. We met up for drinks and then grabbed a pizza on the way to his house to watch a movie. He didn't take my money.

Did he contact you after the date? yes via text. We are on a daily schedule of snarky evening texts. He asked how i feel about talking on the phone and if texting was okay. As much as i hate texting at the beginning of a relationship, i don't really want to talk on the phone either. I think two long-distance relationships killed the phone for me.

How many dates did you go on?  2 so far

Would you recommend to a friend? no, he's mine.

Comments:

As one of my friends so aptly put: "He is emotionally available." I hadn't really thought of Gabe like that, but she is so right. In fact, he has been more available in the past 2 dates than my ex-boyfriend of 3 years. I like it.

Read about our 2nd date here